Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

Setting Boundaries for Myself

For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived with a constant urge to be everything for everyone. The dependable friend, the overachieving colleague, the person who would drop everything to help someone—even at my own expense. This trait of mine, which some might call admirable, isn’t as innocent as it seems. Beneath the surface lies a deeper truth: it’s fueled by my anxiety and depression. And let me tell you, it’s exhausting.

When you struggle with mental health, every little interaction feels magnified. My anxiety whispers in my ear that I’m not enough unless I exceed expectations. My depression reinforces this by reminding me that if I don’t work harder, I’ll let people down—and isn’t that just one more failure to add to the list? So, I overcommit. I over-deliver. I overcompensate. All the while, I’m crumbling under the weight of it all.

At first, being a people-pleaser feels like an accomplishment. People praise you for being so reliable, so hardworking, so nice. But over time, I realized something unsettling: many of those people were happy to take from me without giving anything in return. My late-night favors, extra hours at work, and constant emotional support were just convenient for them. Meanwhile, I was left depleted, running on fumes, wondering why I felt so resentful and unseen.

Burnout doesn’t just happen overnight—it sneaks up on you, piece by piece. I started noticing it in the small things: snapping at loved ones over trivial matters, struggling to find joy in hobbies I once loved, feeling utterly paralyzed at the thought of yet another obligation I’d voluntarily signed up for. Worst of all, my anxiety and depression spiraled further out of control, creating a vicious cycle.

I knew something had to change, but breaking the habit of people-pleasing felt impossible. After all, if I started saying “no,” would people still like me? Would they still care? Would I still be enough?

It’s a work in progress, but I’ve started learning to set boundaries—both for the efforts I put out into the world and for how much I take care of myself in the process. It hasn’t been easy. At first, guilt and fear consumed me every time I turned down a request or asked for help. But here’s what I’ve discovered along the way:

• Saying “no” is not a rejection—it’s a form of self-respect.

Every time I say “no,” I’m making room for something that truly matters to me—whether it’s rest, creative work, or simply my peace of mind.

• I am not responsible for everyone’s happiness.

My anxiety makes me feel like it’s my duty to fix everything for everyone, but I’m learning that other people’s emotions and experiences are not mine to carry.

• The right people will understand.

When I’ve set boundaries with people who truly care about me, they’ve respected them. They didn’t vanish when I stopped overextending myself—they supported me.

• Rest is productive.

Taking time for myself isn’t lazy or selfish. It’s necessary. I’ve started blocking off time in my schedule just for me—whether that’s a walk, journaling, or watching a show I love.

Boundaries don’t come naturally to me yet. Sometimes, I still catch myself slipping into old patterns, agreeing to things I don’t want to do or overloading my plate because it feels easier than disappointing someone. But each time I choose myself—each time I pause to ask, Do I really want to do this?—I feel a little lighter.

If you’re reading this and it resonates with you, I hope you know you’re not alone. It’s okay to want to help people. It’s okay to want to be liked. But it’s also okay to put yourself first. Your worth isn’t measured by how much you do for others—it’s inherent, simply because you exist.

So let’s make a pact, you and me. Let’s set boundaries. Let’s give ourselves permission to rest. Let’s stop pouring from an empty cup. Because we deserve to take care of ourselves just as much as we care for everyone else.

Here’s to finding balance, one boundary at a time.

xo B